Thoughts of a Melancholic Human Being

“Ah, there he goes, all swagger and full of pride. Does not bother about anyone’s presence; talks to only a select few. Aloof to the point of being arrogant. Hubris. Never did anyone any good, did it? But then people like him have every reason to be presumptuous. Most Professors' favourite, good in academics , active in extra-curriculars. The world is in his grasp and he is holding it tightly, and with élan.
Life is so full of irrational settings. Some seem more blessed than others. There are those who happen to get their own way more often than others. And he certainly is one of them. Well, that’s the way life goes, and there is no way to challenge it.”

The absurd state of my being, called in normal parlance life, bores me (not to death for death is freedom).It puts me in situations whereby I am forced to continue to live, thereby aggravating my agony.

I cannot understand this whole fuss about my so-called achievements. Doing well in life? It should more be ‘seems’ to be doing well in life. It is so very subjective. People just do not understand. Every little success that I get is like a small dose of poison injected into my body, for while others gain happiness and satisfaction from their success, mine merely highlights the inadequacies which are inherent to me. It proves that a medal here and a scholarship there is no guarantee for future glory. It will turn out to be nothing but a source of countless tears; and long after the echoes of today’s triumphs are dead, the pain of a wasted life will scream with pain, wailing like a hungry child who has just sighted an unattainable meal.

We all have flaws. And my flaw lies in the fact that my insecurities cut through my mind like a butcher’s knife. Inhibitions, reticence and fear of failure. I have it all in copious amounts. So, it is not as glorious as it seems.

I think the worth of a human life is not in any manner related to success; it can be regarded more as an exercise in constant improvement, Life is all about ensuring that we are free of all kinds of guilt. Guilt of despicable behaviour, of inadequate efforts, of worthless living. It’s about ensuring that our life is not isolated in an island of self-obsessed goals and gluttony. The moment I am able to transcend this whirlpool of self-centeredness and lead a life for the greater good I think I will be on my way to be a true success.